Empty Hope

Hey you. Is this the end already? Is our friendship ending too?
I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I did not appreciate you well enough.
I'm just too afraid to take any chances. I don't wanna fall hard.
I don't want you to regret. Yes, you said you will not.
But hey, you told me you are different from the others. You wouldn't do that.
Then I made up a text, saying to give up on me. You are better than this.
Really, you are. Way worth more. No one ever makes me feel like that.
Too much care. Too much of every little things. 
Then I got really scared. What if I will lose you for real one day?
Now it is real. I lost you. Yupp I totally messed this all up by myself.
I am the one who told you shits. I am the one who hesitated. I am the wrong.
But I did not know our friendship will end too. It hurts me like a stabbing blade.
When my phone vibrates, I still hope its you. Every time. It was just an empty hope.
I miss your voice. I miss how you annoy me with dirty senses. I miss Kalor. I miss you.
When someone got really attached to something, it takes time to get over it.
You are probably going through all these shits too. I am sorry. I am a piece of shit.
But I just want you to know, even though I am the one who ruined this.
I don't want you to lose faith into anything. You would keep running won't you?
I am the cause of this. I hated myself for that. All these just weren't right. 
I'd did something I always asked myself not to. I've hurt that cut even more.
The scars and the bleeding does not hurt more than the pain been stabbed.
I don't know how long will I be in this situation. It sucks, really.
Damn I'm strong enough to get over anything. A climb a lesson learnt.
You'd probably hated me a fucking lot now. Its alright. A bad impression in your mind.
At least you remember me as a girl who ruins your day sometimes. 
I never did once light your day up. You were the one lighting mine. Like a shining sun.
When I say some words to you on the phone, I was serious. And I meant it so much.
You probably wouldn't see my twitter anymore. So not even this fucking story line.
Or is it even a sorry dedication? An awesome memory you'd gave (:
Dude, you know you still got this retarded friend here for you if you need me.
I'll listen to whatever you want to say. Cause I just don't wanna lose you completely.
Though I guess I did already. Completely in eternity.
 I lost you. I am sorry.