That boy I once knew

This boy, he was once my best friend. A very good friend. I tell him everything. Sort of? I knew him around August. But something happened lately and we don’t talk anymore. It’s more like we became strangers like how we started. I never wanted it like that. He don’t like it when I take pictures of him when we were on Skype. But I didn’t care anyway. He always says “oi! webcam webcam!”. And he won’t let me see him if he doesn’t sees me. Stupid asshole! We were once a very close friend. It’s sad that it turned out like that. I wouldn’t forget him because he was the only one that kinda cared about me. Last time, he sorta stalks my twitter and he knew how I felt and everything. When his brain doesn't understand what I tweeted, he'd ask and I did told him, sometimes. It makes me really happy that someone actually cared so much. Thats why I never want to let go of this friendship but there is nothing I can do. I am too afraid to ring him. I don't know what is he thinking. Maybe what he wants now is to stop contacting each other. Probably he's sick of this friendship. I really don't know. I can't read minds. To be honest, I still wanna be a friend of his no matter what. I haven’t play a song for you on the piano before. I might suck at it. But I guess I had no chance to play for you anymore. I just don’t want to be a stranger!

Go do something crazy because you only live once!

ACTUALLY, DON'T GET FUCKED BY SOCIETY. DON'T HATE YOURSELF. DON'T HATE ANYONE. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF AND ALL THE OTHERS. DON'T BE SORRY FOR THINKING YOU'RE JUST AN EMPTY SPACE. DON'T REGRET ABOUT WHAT YOU DID BECAUSE IT WAS ONCE, IN YOUR MIND. WHAT HAPPENS, HAPPENED. JUST LET IT BE. BUT NEVER LET IT GO. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. REMEMBER, IT WAS ONCE WHAT YOU CHERISHED SO MUCH. WHY BE SO STUCK UP ABOUT EVERYTHING? LIFE JUST COME ONCE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIFETIME. I FEEL TIRED CARING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE WILL JUDGE. WHAT PEOPLE WILL FOOL ABOUT OR TALK ABOUT. WHY NOT MAKE A CRAZY DECISION FOR ONCE? EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE THINKS IT WILL BE SO STUPID OF YOU TO DO SUCH THING. BUT THIS ISN'T FOR ANYONE. IT'S FOR YOU, YOURSELF. AT LEAST, THERE IS SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT WHEN YOUR WHITE HAIR STARTS TO GROW. WHETHER YOU THINK IT'LL BE SUCH A STUPID THING. FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THINK. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE FEELING INSIDE. GO. DO SOMETHING YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT TOO SCARED OF REGRESSION AND JUDGEMENT FROM PEOPLE WHO MAYBE, DON'T EVEN CARE. YOU MIGHT ONLY HAVE ANOTHER 80 YEARS TO LEAVE A MEMORY FOR YOUR OWN GENERATION. IGNORE THE WORLD, BE YOU. 

I'll be there for a friend, and I mean it

YOU TALKED NORMALLY TO ME LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. DON’T YOU EVEN FEEL BAD ABOUT HURTING ME SO DEEPLY? MAYBE YOU DID NOT EVEN REALIZED. BUT YOU DID HURT ME SO DEEP THAT I DID NOT DARE TO CRY, CAUSE IF I DO, I WON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP. YOU CALLED. I WAS SO SHOCKED. I TALKED WEIRDLY. MY TONE CHANGED AND YOU REALIZED. I ASKED YOU IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO TELL ME, ANYTHING TO EXPLAIN. YOU SAID NO. WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL TO ME? WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU TO DESERVE THIS SHIT FROM YOU? I TALKED WEIRDLY BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO YOU. I CANNOT JUST ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. BECAUSE ALL THESE ARE THE REASON WHY IT IS KILLING ME SO MUCH. YOU DON’T KNOW ALL THESE. BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE SMILING AT ME WHILE YOU WATCH ME BLEED. I MIGHT BE WEIRD TOWARDS YOU FOR NOW, BUT I WILL BE THERE IF YOU NEED A FRIEND TO TALK. JUST LIKE YOU SAID, FOR “FUN”. YOUR FUN IS MAKING IS SUFFER. BUT IF YOU ARE HAPPY LIKE THAT, JUST MAKE IT LIKE THAT. MAYBE, MENTION TO ME ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND. TELL ME THE STORY. IT WILL MAYBE AMAZE ME AND I WILL BE HAPPY TO LISTEN.

Thanks for all, 2011

Here I am. Thinking about the past year of 2011. How amazing it was.
The most ups and downs I've been through in my life. Precisely, so awesome.
Well 2011 is coming to an end now. I haven't thought of any 2012 resolutions yet.
As I doesn't really plan on things. I just live on surprise. Whatever happens, happens.
This year. So many things came by and built a great chemistry and history.
No matter the consequences. Always enjoy the progress of it. You will never regret.
Too many little things that had made me smile this year.
The best thing about this year is that I spent my last year of school and graduated as a high school student.
Though it was pretty tough getting through troubles and problems. 
But between all these, there are bittersweet moments that you can't help but to adore. 
Time passes fast. Before you even get the chance to hold back anything. You lose the time.
Next year, or maybe now. Do something insane. Free yourself from the limit you set. 
Take one 20 seconds and do something you've always wanted to do but did not dare to or say something you've always wanted to say but too afraid to do so. What you need is an insane courage.
Don't impress people. Do it insanely as if no one is watching or listening. Just you.
And maybe something greater will come after it. Who knows? (:
I laughed at stupid things. I laughed at my friends who act like retards. Even if I'm in the deepest shit, whenever there is their laughters and annoyance around, I'll be smiling like a retard too.
Thinking what had I done to deserve these people? I was sad how we need to part after school.
Some goes to work. Some goes to college. Some to their own ways. We'll never end up in the same class ever again. Eating together. Laughing at the teacher. Copying homework at the last minute. Sneak out of class. Interrupting lessons. Annoying our friends. All these will never happen between all of us. 
I smile when they laugh because of me. It is only the happiest thing I've done to see them laugh dumbly.
There is nothing you see in us. But pure friendship. If anyone is in deepshit, we'll always be there.
I will never forget what had been through this year. 
She said she never thought I would ask her things about these. You know what? I didn't even expected it. I don't know what turns into these but it happened. It was bittersweet and it was great.
I'll never forget the month of September. Though there were so many things that didn't come smoothly,
but we walked through everything and I still hope to listen to your "hello" which I know I will do somehow in tomorrow :) 
The only thing I am excited about the first thing on next year is to go back to school and visit the teachers that had been so good to us. And not to forget out big feast in the school canteen! You joining us? :D It will be a freaking great buffet ever cause I'm gonna eat everything until I'm bloated!
If only time could slow down and let me have the time to appreciate enough about every beautiful things that had made for me. 
Yeah time flies like really fast. I'm now waiting for countdown to 2012 :D
But hey, don't catch the time, catch the moment. 
And this is for everyone that had gone through this tough year with me...
Should I list those really important people? Hmm okay I'll do this for the first time and only time.
I want to smile to Minli that little skinny dumbtart who did too many stupid things with me and laughed so hard together. You're an asshole but you deserve a better 2012 without bullshits. 
Cheers to Nyon who will be the most successful accountant in Penang city! 
And to Angeline, I always look for you whenever I'm troubled and you wouldn't ask me anything but just helped me. You're so gonna be a good partner eh ;)
Now Cherie... I don't know how much money she had left now as she won't stop buying stuffs but your hotness is steaming so you need to stop buying sexy clothes!
Shirleen! Stop working stop rushing things stop being so hectic. Stop now and enjoy your life for a moment. You still have more than half of your life to work so don't rush!
Jessi you're not gonna be anything but Ulat's good wife. You all are gonna be forever I know it!!
A wide smile to someone name Alvin! OMG its you!! Well thanks for everything and stop being so pissed at times. I know things are gonna be okay for you and take care! You're not as strong as me! :P
Oh shit do I need to thank you Rebecca Lim? Yeah I do. You've been a badass daughter of my mother and I want you to know that I am really disturbed when you bath at 4am in the morning!
I want to frown to you Pablo! Its been a year since I forgot... I know I'll never meet you but you've been a badass friend and stop being so desperate for love. You'll find it when its time!


Yupp I have a very few friends but these are the ones who I can really be who I am and act retards on. No reputation needed. Just me. None of them left yet... But I never hope that there will be.
Lets make forever possible and people would be jealous okay? :D 
I doubt if I am gonna publish this post cause damn this is sentimental... 
We won't know what life will lead us to but if you stick with me, you'll never have to face it alone if you just tell me and I will listen!

Until then, See you 2011. You'll be missed!

Someone like you

December is now and Christmas is yet,

I see houses and places putting up wreath,

But my mood is a harsh I don't know how to get back,

It's like you suffocate me until I lose my breath.

You're leaving tomorrow and I need to wait,

To listen to the old cracked up voice again,

Sometimes I really don't like disturbance and I hate,

When the dark comes and it reminds me of the rain.

Maybe it isn't the first card someone had wrote for you,

But it is my first card I'd wrote for someone like you,

Please don't make my another day a whole of blue,

Even it's for worst, please tell me the truth. 

Where did the sunshine boy go?

The shine young one I used to know,

The night where you used to laugh so loud,

Until December came and destroyed it all I lose my soul.

Remember when you were nice and adorable,

You still are now though things might have changed,

I always thought you were someone reliable,

Did your change of mind came?

Remember when you never missed to call?

How does it changed in a time and all is gone,

I jumped off your cliff and I fall,

I'll do it one more time just let me reborn.

Since I had last heard from you

It has been a week since I last heard from you,

Days will go by and it will all be a blue,

Are your words just a lie or it is all true?

Because when I doubt, I have no clue.

Remember when you said you will never leave,

Now that you're gone, my clouds are a mist,

Your faithful sign I hope to seek,

One day when I have the guts to speak.

Please make me no stranger,

I don't want you to be a bad reminder,

I had my pride compromised to concur,

So that we would not be a promise breaker.

Christmas is near and I don't want this to end,

How about the card, how could I send?

You know all the words I said were meant,

All had happened, and would you ever want to mend?

Changing the link soon (:

Dear readers, 

 Attention please!

I'll be changing my blog link to:

http://www.iblamesociety-jl.blogspot.com/

in two days time. 

No don't be silly. The user is not changing.

What changes is only the link

Sincerely, 

Jessica Lim 

Don't plan your death. Live before it.

What is your last word you would say on your last breath?
Who is the only person you'd want to see beyond your eyes before death?
Apart from live. Apart from everything you had when you are still alive.
What is the only achievement you would want to accomplish while you can?
Death make us learn how to appreciate more. How to never let go. 
They say everything is fated and you could never change that.
But why wait for death while you can do something better before it?
God planned the day you were born, and the day we part with life.
But he did not planned the way you want to live it. It is your choice. No others.
Who held your life? You. If you do not appreciate your own life. Who will?
Human beings mutuality is the fear of death. Who knows what is after death?
Hell or heaven or reborn? Frankly, I said those are all bullshits. Yeah people die.
But all it matters is your accomplishment and satisfaction towards your own life.
This scene is no drama. You ain't the actor of the movie. Please stop acting like it is.
This is my decision to go through these with you even the worst expectation is death.
Who cares about that? Memories are the best thing to live with. It lasts the longest.
It lasts until death do us apart. What matters is who you had made a ten mile wide smile on them.
Cherish all of them. Even if the worst comes, you still have the best thing you had ever wanted!
Something that everyone could own but somehow use it the wrong way, happiness.


Each texts costs me a penny, you soul of inhumanity. 
It wouldn't take you a lot of muscles to act to pick up a call and tell me that you're alive.

I graduated high school

I can't imagine school is coming to an end! I won't be in school ANYMORE.

After all these fucking 11 years I've been through like a hell of a rolling stone.

You know? Like diamonds in the rough. Heh that was my school life! \m/

I walked past my primary school today and all the flash back in my mind.

When I will visit the bookshop EVERY single day to buy a new stationary.

Chilling outside the hallway when theres no teacher. 

The moment of fame when I walk down the hallway to canteen.

Those trees are still there! Where I used to kick and attempted to climb...

Those teachers I used to be so afraid of them... I'll tremble when they shout :P

Yupp I'm kinda of a coward back before 11. Which is Standard 5.

You know when you're Standard 6 and now you're finally a senior.

You rule all those little kids of your juniors. No not bully -.- Just fame.

Then high school was DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY the most awesome part of my life!

Now here, I break all sorts of rules. Teamwork during test. Texting without looking.

Embarrassed some teachers [ DONT ASK HOW! ITS REALLY BAD (: ]

Eating in class. Make fun of teachers. Interrupt her lesson :D Funnest part!

Damn I've done all sorts of shits that I bet you don't even wanna hear.

But though, I ain't that kind of superb bad student. I'm just... cheeky? :|

Theres a few years that I need to do social work to collect back my merit marks.

Well, it was collecting rubbish and sorting out recycling things. It was bad....

I'll miss some teachers man! They're like buddies. They call me chilly padi -.-

And one of them even saw me eating but didn't report it :D She's awesome!!!!

Dang my school's canteen food is heaven! Especially Char Koay Teow. I'll miss it!

I will miss all of them so damn much. When the recess bell rings, we get so excited.

Although it is only just a recess of 20 minutes. But its like yo lets have a party :D :D

I will seriously miss school so damn fucking much! <3 

Those memories in school are the best of all and its fucking hilarious!! 

Empty Hope

Hey you. Is this the end already? Is our friendship ending too?
I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I did not appreciate you well enough.
I'm just too afraid to take any chances. I don't wanna fall hard.
I don't want you to regret. Yes, you said you will not.
But hey, you told me you are different from the others. You wouldn't do that.
Then I made up a text, saying to give up on me. You are better than this.
Really, you are. Way worth more. No one ever makes me feel like that.
Too much care. Too much of every little things. 
Then I got really scared. What if I will lose you for real one day?
Now it is real. I lost you. Yupp I totally messed this all up by myself.
I am the one who told you shits. I am the one who hesitated. I am the wrong.
But I did not know our friendship will end too. It hurts me like a stabbing blade.
When my phone vibrates, I still hope its you. Every time. It was just an empty hope.
I miss your voice. I miss how you annoy me with dirty senses. I miss Kalor. I miss you.
When someone got really attached to something, it takes time to get over it.
You are probably going through all these shits too. I am sorry. I am a piece of shit.
But I just want you to know, even though I am the one who ruined this.
I don't want you to lose faith into anything. You would keep running won't you?
I am the cause of this. I hated myself for that. All these just weren't right. 
I'd did something I always asked myself not to. I've hurt that cut even more.
The scars and the bleeding does not hurt more than the pain been stabbed.
I don't know how long will I be in this situation. It sucks, really.
Damn I'm strong enough to get over anything. A climb a lesson learnt.
You'd probably hated me a fucking lot now. Its alright. A bad impression in your mind.
At least you remember me as a girl who ruins your day sometimes. 
I never did once light your day up. You were the one lighting mine. Like a shining sun.
When I say some words to you on the phone, I was serious. And I meant it so much.
You probably wouldn't see my twitter anymore. So not even this fucking story line.
Or is it even a sorry dedication? An awesome memory you'd gave (:
Dude, you know you still got this retarded friend here for you if you need me.
I'll listen to whatever you want to say. Cause I just don't wanna lose you completely.
Though I guess I did already. Completely in eternity.
 I lost you. I am sorry.

I like your laughter!

Somehow in misery, I've fallen into your laughter.

Your voice keeps reminiscing in my head.

In the darkest night, I found your love. 

Its not that much of corruption. 

But I had enough of disfunctional ways.

All your ridiculous demand I never adore.

But it was a smile ahead formed in me.

Remember how you created words to say?

Promises and commitments. What are they?

Maybe you will make me understand.

That not everyone break promises.

I never doubt you, much. As you never did.

When my mood messed up, you'll turn it up.

You are probably the cutest thing I've seen.

Fluffy and chubby. Never wanted a diet!

But you know what?

That's what I like about you (:

I never want to move on

You will never know...

That I have all the options to move on.

To forget you and everything we've said.

And to absolutely hate how you ignore me sometimes.

But I won't want to move on.

Because if I do, I will miss everything.

I will miss the feeling of missing you.

The way you talk to me. Full of rudeness.

The way we used to fight over each and everything.

Even betting on something that isn't important.

I will miss the feeling when I think of you and smile.

When every of my status is about you. About things we've said.

Your 2 videos I am still having it and watching it.

Your sound record I saved in my phone. 

Your demo you sent to me on whatsapp.

I did not lose you completely. 
Because you will never know. Everything about this.
I'll keep it deep down in the core forever lasting.

Unless until the day I'm gone. Completely gone.

And she will pass you everything. My memories.

Everything I have wrote down about you.

On my little booklet of poems. Based on real life story.

She will tell you how I suffered every night.

How sometimes I think I never want to let go.

Reminding me every thing we have been through.

All the jokes we tell each other.

The good times we had. I never want to forget.

I never really want to move on. Its not that I can't.

Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely.

I.lost.my.mind

I'm free this way don't try to tie me up.

Not even held me down. 

I don't stop running. I just run.

Don't track me down. We'll both be hurt.

I don't live to give you what you expect me to be.

I live for who I am. The joy I cherish. 

I never meant to reject you.

I just still wanna be the same old me.

I just want things to fall into place.

Not falling apart of it. Its complicated.

What life has gave, what had we earned?

Its not the matter of values learnt.

Its learning how to give more than you take.

I never want to take anything from you.

Done enough. You'll make me feel bad.

The best thing in life are free.

Friendship is free. Hug is free. 

That is the best I've ever wanted.

Never regret for what you didn't have.

Because they were once standing by you.

And before you know, I'll catch you if you fall.

At the edge of the cliff, flashbacks of the memories.

We'll be what we are meant to be. 

Don't harsh. Don't force. Don't hustle.

I like how we are now. Just at ease we'll be (: 

I'm here if you need.

Dang obsessions.

Dang my obsession. Don't mind me please. I'm just weird.

I like those cute hot teens with tattoos on top of their chest with words.

Of course words that mean something to them. Not just shits.

Yeah. That's my obsession. Another thing.

A good fashion sense and taste is fairly important. Not trendy. But simple.

Not trashy nor hot. But just casual and chilled. Guys in white grey and black kills.

About piercings. Dude. They are hot. But though, it depends where.

I don't fancy huge holes of piercings on the ears. Its just. A little gay.

Only piercings that I consider hot is on the ear with a sharp end.

Clean shoes is a winner. No not leather shoes. But Vans. 

A guy with swag is extremely cute. No ain't hot. But cute. I don't know why.

And all the above I'm describing. Is a white caucasian. Just white. 

These days I've been obsessed with a tumblr blog owned by a 15th year old boy named Yassin.

His blog is just attractive. Here take a look. http://metrolines.tumblr.com/

His fashion sense and everything is uber cool. Authentically cool. 

Right. I have no fucking idea why am I describing my obsession to you.

Things like that.. Lemme show you ;) 

Nice and simple. It kills me!

Vans is the best thing wore on feet  OFF THE WALL    x)

Boys with skateboard and swag like that! <3   x)

Keep it classy this way! Those outfits I mean    x)

Keep it swag like that. Gorgeous     x)    <3 

I wanna fuck you ;)

ROFL

OMG

You ever done this? If you did..

Then you're a fucking lets fuck buddy (:

Water wading for?

LETS FUCK